Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Life has been such a blur for me lately. It seems like another day has begun by the time I'm able to process the day that just passed. Why is this? Nothing major is going on. We're not in the process of some big change. My days are just blending together and I worry that I'm missing something. Am I making the most of my time with Violet? Am I creating happy memories that she'll cherish when she's older? Or, will there be missed moments that I'll wish I could change?
I sometimes get caught up in the trap that every moment must be a grand one. I want to fill Violet's days with at least one exciting thing. Something that will be remembered. But I've realized in order to come close to doing that would mean the truly special moments would get lost. What would distinguish the difference between a magical moment from the mundane?
So, I've come to understand that the sweet moments of shared laughter are more special than given credit for. Even though they seem mundane, the bedtime stories are moments to be treasured. Lying on the floor together while playing with My Little Ponies are magical as they require me to be still, focus, and use my imagination. Even watching a show together, my little girl curled up in my arms, is something she will hopefully cherish one day.
Making sure that I'm there for my precious little girl when she needs me is the most important thing. To dry her tears, to comfort her when she doesn't feel well, to listen to her when she has something important to say, those are memories I want Violet to cherish when she's older. Hopefully, Violet will remember the lullaby I made up for her and how much I enjoyed singing it to her each night. Maybe she'll even sing the same song to her own precious children someday. All I know is that I want to be more aware of how I spend my time with those whom I love. I don't want to take anything for granted. And, I don't want my loved ones to ever doubt the sincerity of my love. I hope how I spend my time is an accurate reflection of my heart; that it belongs to those whom I love. As I tell Violet every night before putting her to bed, "I love you more than the moon and the stars, my love." And I do.
[the photo above was taken November 2005 in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Violet fell asleep after walking the trail of lights at the gardens there. It was a lovely time spent with family.]