Silent Night

One of my favorite times of day is bedtime. I love the ritual we've created that surrounds this time of preparing for bed. Once the teeth and hair are brushed it's time to cuddle up in bed and read a story or two. This is such a peaceful time and is one of the few times in the day where I have Violet's undivided attention. Once the book is read and the lights are off it's time for some lullabies. Violet calls them her songs since they all were either created or adapted for her. Someday, if I'm brave enough, I'll share them with you here.

After tucking Violet in for the night I went out to the living room and enjoyed some reading time. Violet had been sleeping for over an hour when she came rushing out of her room. Even though she was sort of awake, Violet was pretty much out of it. I never figured out what woke her up. My being awake and so easily accessible was rewarded with something from the past...

My beautiful girl climbed into my arms, snuggled in, and fell fast asleep. It has been several years since she fell asleep in my arms. Tonight's rarity made me realize how much my arms have ached for this. I've missed her presence in my arms, her contented sighs as sleep settles in, the weight of her body as she gives in to sleep, and the trust that it takes for your child to do all of those things. I thought Violet had outgrown being held in my arms for any real amount of time. My heart is bursting with joy as I find that I was wrong.

Violet isn't as small as she once was. She doesn't fit in my arms like she did when she was a baby. Yet, my heart made sure she fit when she came to me tonight. Sitting on the sofa, with my precious child in my arms, while looking at the Christmas tree we finished decorating earlier today brought me to tears. Tears of gratitude for this moment. Tears of sorrow at realizing how fast my little girl is growing up. Tears of hope as I dream of our future as Mother and Daughter. Tears from realizing that even though we may drive each other crazy, we love each other more than anything else. Tears from realizing how incredibly lucky I am to be Violet's Mother and that I was here to enjoy this moment in time. And then I cried when I realized I had to carry her back to bed and wondered how I was going to manage that.