I read an article recently that really upset me. The article was on women finding themselves again after they've had children. In essence, the article basically stated that it's the child's fault that their mother has lost touch with who they once were. I find this theory / thought to be absolutely ludicrous!
Maybe I'm backwards in my thinking, but I think we all go through a series of changes throughout our lives. We are not who we were twenty years ago, we are not who we were five years ago. I for one am glad that I'm not the same person I was. I made alot of stupid mistakes and half of the time I acted like a blooming idiot! No one wants to be that person!
Yes, I've gone through many changes in this life of mine. And the greatest change, in the longest time, has been the one of motherhood. I am happy to be a mother and have no regrets since having Violet. Ever since I've become a mother I've become more secure in myself and in who I am. I still have certain insecurities, ones that I've always dealt with, but they are not foremost in my thoughts now.
So, in regards to the article that I read, I in no way feel as if I've lost myself since I've had Violet. If anything, I feel like I've found myself. If there is something that is missing in my life then that is my own fault and not to be blamed on a child. Motherhood is a journey in life. Mothers give of themselves on a continual basis and that means that we must set some things aside in order to focus on our children. Setting aside a few things does not mean that you lose yourself, it just means that you must wait a while before you can pick them back up. Like a good book that you've set down and will return to later, you leave a bookmark in your place and wait with anticipation to pick it back up again. But don't ever say that you've lost your sense of self because you became a mother! If you've lost any sense of who you once were then that is your own fault, not your child's.
Motherhood is to be enjoyed and taken one day at a time. If we get too far ahead of ourselves, and our children, then we miss wonderful opportunities that only come once and a while. So, instead of looking for some missing piece that you feel you need in your life, look at your child and enjoy the moment. Enjoy the little walks around the block. Enjoy the smell of the fresh outdoors when your child is playing in the sunshine. Marvel at how beautiful your child is whenever they give you a quirky look. Marvel at how blessed you are to be a mother to the wonderful child(ren) that you have. Enjoy each moment that you can with your child because it won't be long before they'll be letting go of your hand and doing things on their own. Enjoy the moments while you've got them, otherwise you'll look back regretting all the special moments that you've missed while you were "looking to find yourself" again.